Not exactly a "Daily" Dose...

Wow, I completely forgot about this blog. I'm more inconsistent that a Michael Bay Movie! (Hey-ooo) As I look through my previous posts (There are two) I can't help but notice how little I've matured over the... months? I don't know how long it's been since my previous post. But hey, better late than never, right? Right? Eh nevermind. In this day and age I am exposed to many things, most of them irrelevant and forgettable, but one sticks in my mind, like white on rice, or Christopher Nolan to epic soundtracks. This issue is none other than... girls. As my developing goatee becomes more prominent on my chin, my psyche is exposed to the allure of the female gender. This is the very thing that makes me a (straight) man. I strategize ways to earn the affection of the lady-species, ways to make myself more attractive in their (oftentimes judging) eyes. But while this is in my mind, my greater sense of Denny-ness kicks in and says to me, "You want to save money right? Than stay away from girls! They'll eat up your money like they eat up-"
"Quiet!" The other person in my mind replies, "This man-child is in progress of serious thought, he is trying to better himself!"
The two people in my mind bicker and bicker until finally I have to drop some Earl Grey and flush them out. Sometime I wonder if I need psychiatric help. The two entities in my mind remind me of the types of girls I've encountered in my traveling of this realm of existence. In my bestiary, I have cataloged these types of ladies

The Attention Seeker Swarm- Like a Mexican seeking something to jump (I'm half Latino I can say that), these ladies seek attention. Should you ever run into one, play it safe and pay them what they desire, but not for prolonged times. If your timing is ever so slightly off, prepare for something incredibly horrible. Bringing money should protect you, and if you ever need to defend yourself, throw it at them.

La Locas- Fun to be around, oftentimes random and spontaneous, are fierce friends, usually have a mix of sarcasm and random humor. Don't let them anywhere near sugar. Dear God, please don't let them have sugar.

The Drama-tick- These girls are like the Attention  Seeker Swarm, only to a worse degree. Like leeches of of a Stephen King movie, these girls revel in being the center of attention. They have only two ends of a spectrum, only two speeds, full and stop. The slightest offense will set them ablaze, the smallest insult will set them a-tears. They usually laugh the loudest, talk the loudest, make their business the loudest, and if they know something you don't, they'll loudly tell you how they CAN'T tell you. Like a with in the L4D series, if you hear their wail, stay far far away.

The Friendly- These girls are incredibly rare, oftentimes caring friends and loyal buddies. These girls are usually infused with the slightest amount of the aforementioned traits, but to a more tolerable level.

The Silent- They don't say much, usually because they're plotting some evil plot or planning some evil plan. Be cautious when making contact, they could easily be Friendlies in disguise, or just as easily be some horrible witch.

These are not absolutes, you may find traces of slutty, flirty, funny, psycho, stoic, and psychic scattered among them. These are just some broad explanations of girls I have run into in my exploits.
I would love to ramble on but all this typing and thinking is making my brain hurt.
                                                                                             

                                                                                   Con Muchisimo Amore
                                                                                                      -Denny II

Llamas Are Birds

Yes I know I haven't posted in a million years but I've been too busy doing important stuff. Like playing Red Dead Redemption. That's very important. I've been reading The Outsider by S.E. Hinton. You can tell it was written by a woman. She doesn't get the male psyche at all! Guys don't cry every other chapter and certainly don't cuddle with other boys! That's just plain messed up! I've also been reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. It's a wonderful story of a lovely country that has a little competition for fun! It all goes to show if you start a rebellion, don't lose! If I were in the Hunger Games I would just shoot everyone with my cowboy-indo skills. While I am writing this my ears are being plagued by the evilness of the British boy band known as "One Direction". It sucks. It's like my ears are being pounded by gayness. Anyways I've been wondering, if all the zombies are in the city, does that mean us people who aren't valley girls will survive? Or if a civil war breaks out in America the Mexicans will side with Che Guevara? I have no idea what I'm even talking about and frankly I don't really care. This blog has sucked it all out of me. Any originality I once possessed is gone. How do you know if a girl likes you? Is it in the way she acts? I'll never know. There are 5 great mysteries in this world. Mel Gibson, Loch Ness, what Johnny Ringo died of, the Illuminati, and girls. They're harder to read than a Hideo Kojima Metal Gear Solid book, I swear. One moment they're smiling at you and then the next they're hitting you. Oh well. You can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself. That's why I play Red Dead Redemption. I've run out of random topics to talk about.

Soy Un Perdedo
-Dennimy Crickett

I Blog, Therefore I Am...Dennylicious

"Denny you need to start a blog so next year I won't miss your wonderful and witty insights on life.... SO START A BLOG!!!!!!!!" That was my literature teacher. I may have forgotten entirely what she said so I simply improvised. My shoulder hurts. Me and my dear old father took the trek out to Pawnee Grasslands today to go terrorize some pop cans. Along the way we stopped in Ault to get breakfast. It was pretty good. Except for when I puked it all up. You see a few days back I had to rake up all the goat crap and hay in our backyard (I'll explain the goats if I ever get around to making another post) and dump it in the back of the truck. I managed to get rid of all of it and the rest blew out on the ride home. But there was still a little up against the back of the truckbed. So anyway I and my father were going to go shooting, and I had put some chairs and one of those folding tables in the back of the truck, the table went all the back so it was touching the left over crap. Anyway we got to the shooting spot and I unloaded the table. That's when I noticed some hay and mud on it, so I wiped it off with my hand. But in one moment of the most retardation thing I could do, I lifted my hand to my nose and breathed in. It was when the odor of the stench I am all too aware of became clear to my brain did I realize it was not mud, but goat Schmitt. I then shook my hand violently, and my esophagus lunged out of my oral entry, and all three pancakes I had eaten were set loose upon the ground. Indeed, it was freaking nasty, no not the puke, I see that everyday, but the goat crap. It was on my hand!!! My hand! In my pores! Needless to say I poured my water bottle all over my hand to purge it of the unholy crap. After we had everything set up we quickly got to business. Shooting was fun and I'm not going to go into too much detail, but a Colt 1911 relived it's glory days, a pop can was asked if it felt lucky, and a 12 gauge and a 7.62x54R both ganged up on my shoulder. On the way back my father suddenly stopped the truck, got out, and said "Ok son you drive". It was a long dirt road so the only passerbys were 16-wheelers and rednecks. It was a memorable time. "Slow down! Speed up! Stay in the middle!" were crucial phrases in my father's vocabulary. Nevertheless it was awesome. Once I got home Lillian started texting me. Weirdo freakazoid. Maybe I should work on my book report... nahhhhhhh.
~Your Affectionate Fat Man
   Den Den Carl's Jr.